Man, what a trip and what a bash.
I warned you all that there would be fireworks when I returned to my birthplace in Kenogami, QC, for the town’s 100th anniversary and a reunion of our Saturday night dance club.
Well, let me tell you—we painted the town positively … uh … beige.
Don’t get me wrong. The spirit was as willing as it was when we were crazy, lust-driven teenagers 50 year ago. It’s just that the flesh has kinda gone all to hell.
It is simply not a good idea to meet an old friend after so many decades and pose the normally-harmless greeting: “Hey, my man, how ARE you?”
I got more medical information in two days than a doctor absorbs after a 25-year subscription to the Lancet. And gave back in spades.
All these conditions tend to activate that part of the brain that brings wisdom and thus prevents one from waking up still-drunk at sunrise amid the petunias of the flowerbed outside the dance hall.
In fact, I confess to having gone to bed sober every night of our five-day tour—and early enough that my gout didn’t turn my knee into a pumpkin at midnight.
Still, our minds remain sharp enough to recall both how wild it was back in the day, while recognizing now that any ill-considered attempt to relive past accesses might just put us not amid the petunias, but under them.
That being said, it was still one helluva party.
With that the bonus we don’t have to worry about either our parents or blackmailers getting hold of the photos.
Top 10 reunion thoughts on how the Kenogami Teen Town dance club experience has changed after 50 years.
10. Back then, guys would ask to borrow your comb. Now, they would like to borrow your hair.
9. Back then, we danced close because our hormones were exploding. Now, it’s because our waistlines have expanded.
8. Back then, your toes started tapping as soon as the music started. Now, the gout kicks in.
7. Size still matters when the boys brag in the washroom, but now we’re comparing results of our last prostate exams.
6. We spend the entire evening calling each other “buddy” and “dear” because our brains have forgotten everyone’s faces and our eyes can’t read the name tags.
5. We used to respect guys who could hold their liquor. Now it’s the guys who can control their bladder.
4. The cops used to drive by looking for underage drinkers. Now, they’re on the lookout for suspects who may have wandered away from the nursing home.
3. Back then, we flexed our arms to show off our muscles. Now, we flex our legs to show off our knee replacements.
2. Guys still have those suspicious circular bulges in their wallets. But now, they’re caused by extra-strength Rolaids.
1. But, all in all, you feel pretty good that you and the gang aren’t really THAAAT old. Until that fucking Mclaren announces he’s a great-grandfather ….
