The honour killing trial is over in Kingston, with welcome convictions, but evidence continues to surface that shows the Shafia Murder Mob even worse than everyone thought, if that’s possible for a trio who drowned four members of their own family.
Turns out that grim-faced patriarch Mohammad (“Moe”) Shafia is also a cheap prick whose stinginess quickly unraveled his already-laughable attempts to get away with mass slaughter.
He kinda tipped his hand to investigators when, to save a buck, he pointedly did not include the four victims in his Kingston motel reservations because he was well aware they would spend the night sleeping nearby … with the fishes.
That would be bad enough to kill his chances of picking up the Professor Moriarty Trophy Award at the Master Criminal Awards, but there’s more.
He actually prepared for his killing spree by buying a beat-up Nissan Sentra just 48 hours before the murders so he wouldn’t have to sacrifice his $80,000 Lexus or $50,000 Montana van as the watery coffin for his first wife and three daughters.
As you would expect of an investigative web site, gordlovelace.com has obtained from sources the transcripts of audio portions of security cameras in the parking lot of Smiling Pierre’s pre-owned car emporium in Montreal that cover the day in question.
Smiling Pierre (SP): “Bonjour, Monsieur, what can I offer you today in a quality car, carefully pampered by little old ladies to drive to church Bingo every Sunday?”
“Moe” Shafia (MS): “I am looking for a modest vehicle for my three daughters and their nanny who is definitely not my first wife. Something special that just screams dishonour—extremely-basic transportation that the Devil himself would shit upon!”
SP: “Say what?!”
MS: “Oh, that’s just a common Afghan expression used whenever you hit your thumb with a hammer or the goat’s milk from Loblaws goes sour or the TV Guide says there’s a new episode of 2½ Wives and you tune in to find it’s that repeat with Ahkmeer Sheen where he stones his girlfriend to death after discovering she was raped by her uncle. Doesn’t mean anything more than ‘Oh, poop’ in Canada.”
SP: “Okay. Seeing as how you drove up in a Lexus, I assume you would be looking for a $25,000 Mercedes or $15,000 Volvo like any father wanting something reliable and safe for his loved ones.”
MS: “Yeah, right. How about that black Sentra over there for $5,000? I like the colour—reminds me of the bottom of the Rideau Canal.”
SP: “Well, I must be honest and tell you that it has some rust issues and, frankly, leaks like a sieve.”
MS: “This is good. How unreliable is it? Will it get four whores to Niagara Falls and part-way back to Montreal, like as far are Kingston?”
SP: “Say what?!”
MS: “Oh, I must apologize—I misused the Afghan term ‘w’hor’e’ which actually means in my homeland beloved sisters we have elevated from the ancient dictates of walking 10 paces behind us to being at the wheel of the car being pushed in front of us.”
SP: “Very new-age of you, for sure. But the bottom line is that this Sentra will not only get your loved ones to Niagara and back to Kingston, but also back to Montreal for many more years of carefree driving.”
MS: “For what I have in mind, that’s a little overkill … whoa, bad choice of words caused by my unfamiliarity with Western idiomatic expressions. So, this Sentra, how many bodies … I mean, people … will it hold?”
SP: “Oh, it is comfortable ride for four, easy on gas and the upholstery is stain-resistant.”
MS: “That’s good, because we got big stains in my family. So, I will take it.”
SP: “For just a few hundred more, you can have our one-year repair warranty, winter tires and road-side tow-truck service.”
MS: “Don’t need that. You throw in road-side service for free for two days—you never know when you might need a tow truck with shameless daughters driving around at night unfamiliar with local waterways.”
SP: “That’s a deal. Your son over there comparing bumper heights with the Lexus can drive it away as soon as we give it our complimentary carwash.”
MS: “Not required. I’m sure the women will insist on giving it a bath themselves ….”